Monday, November 15, 2010
MARRIED BUT AVAILABLE
This story can go on and on as Jeff muya can put it.... So let me commence by saying that I got the headline from a sentiment given out by a listener on metro fm lovers rock show and it got me thinking. Saying “married but available” is almost as easy as saying “niaje” (what’s up). How did it get to be this way? What happened to the days when being married meant your private parts and your heart were locked up and only your spouse had the key?
A long time ago, marriage was a license for a lifetime of loving company and a sure ticket to the mystery that was sex. In those days, procreation was inevitable; like part of the process.
Marriage was also used to cement relations between kingdoms and to possibly restore peace between or strengthen communities. Whatever the reason, you were still under lock and key.
At some point after that, it was all about age. You had to get married by the time you were 25. If you don’t have Mr Right or Miss Right by that time, it was very important to take up the next best option or you would die old and alone.
Some centuries down the line however, marriage has undergone a metamorphosis, and the revolution continues. The lock and key have gone digital and you can hack into it or simply ask for the password.Sex and procreation are no longer an issue, it is now more important to have fun.
Whether you are in a night-club or in church, a ring on the finger only serves to get you more attention. It’s like you are an alien species who is immediately more appealing to all the single ladies. And they all know that the married people are more often than not … available. I think the problem is two-fold. There is a willing buyer and willing seller.
People whose names are written on a marriage certificate are perceived to be more stable, and less complicated relationship wise.
They (married ones) on the other, feel emotional reprieve outside their gates because the situations at home are almost like Big Brother, where the only interesting thing is shower hour. And even if things are not so bad at home and they may want to do the right thing – there are relentless predators on the prowl. I wonder if the whole constitution of marriage is becoming obsolete.?
Email:enyangwechi@yahoo.com
Marriage was also used to cement relations between kingdoms and to possibly restore peace between or strengthen communities. Whatever the reason, you were still under lock and key.
At some point after that, it was all about age. You had to get married by the time you were 25. If you don’t have Mr Right or Miss Right by that time, it was very important to take up the next best option or you would die old and alone.
Some centuries down the line however, marriage has undergone a metamorphosis, and the revolution continues. The lock and key have gone digital and you can hack into it or simply ask for the password.Sex and procreation are no longer an issue, it is now more important to have fun.
Whether you are in a night-club or in church, a ring on the finger only serves to get you more attention. It’s like you are an alien species who is immediately more appealing to all the single ladies. And they all know that the married people are more often than not … available. I think the problem is two-fold. There is a willing buyer and willing seller.
People whose names are written on a marriage certificate are perceived to be more stable, and less complicated relationship wise.
They (married ones) on the other, feel emotional reprieve outside their gates because the situations at home are almost like Big Brother, where the only interesting thing is shower hour. And even if things are not so bad at home and they may want to do the right thing – there are relentless predators on the prowl. I wonder if the whole constitution of marriage is becoming obsolete.?
Email:enyangwechi@yahoo.com
Tuesday, November 9, 2010
WOMEN AT 30........PONDEROUS AGE TO BE DISCLOSED
For a long time single women were almost abominable. All that was reserved for them was pity or suspicion. That has changed now but many women over 30 are still accused of prolonging single hood days by pesky aunties and busybodies who imagine they are commitment-phobic or simply unable to nail a man.
Picture this. A group of six single women of varying length and girth are knocking back shots of vodka like they are going out of style. Luther Vandross is playing in the background and the girls’ only event is in honour of one the girls’ who has turned thirty. The house is the typical kitsch decor up-market apartment. Fake flowers in a vase and enough cushions to fill a meditation hall. It is much like a low budget version drawn from Sarah Jessica Parker’s Sex and the City. Imbued with feelings of wellbeing and of course alcoholic enhanced wisdom, they decide to share their lessons and insights about womanhood after thirty. I am the fly on the wall. Some observations border on ridiculous and absurd. Others are meaningful while a huge chunk of the conversation seems to revolve around lack of sex.
The innocent Kenyan woman approaches relationships with a lot of optimism. Between 18 and 24 they actually believe, that there is such a thing as the perfect man. You know the tall dark knight, impeccable manners, romantic lover who dispenses love with reckless abandon. Between 24-28 after often scathing encounters with men, many lower their standards somewhat to accommodate the overweight knight and rush to the conclusion that perhaps there is a chronic shortage of seriously eligible bachelors in the country. Into the 30s, the illusion is completely dropped and the whole approach towards men takes a new spin towards compatibility. To be a single over 30 woman in Nairobi and lead a normal social life of single hood simply makes you a trophy hunt for older married men prowling outdoors for conquests. They won’t allow you to float in a state of emotional tranquility and delicious self-indulgence as they attempt to fit you into their perfect side dish.
Womanhood after 30 means that…..
You realize that age is not just a number as you come to accept your sags, stretch marks, bumps, extra layers of your once youthful body. You have to contend with the increasingly stiff competition from younger girls who call you old and welcome advances from horny teenagers who think “you are so hot”. You stop hankering for a soul mate or stop waiting up for the dark knight on a horseback. Something about men and directions.
The fantasies of having the perfect body are abandoned and replaced by the reality of a swanky wardrobe to sustain the illusion as a top priority. After 30, a woman can live with tires because you realize that bald short, beer gut men have been pulling it off for years with great results.
You come to the awakening realization that you do not have to like everybody and everybody does not have to like you. Matters of being in the in-crowd somehow diminish as you try to compass your direction in life. It no longer causes you sleepless nights when you are described as bitchy, bossy, dramatic, shapeless or a nymphomaniac. For once in your life, you are not scared of seeing yourself through your own eyes and not through the mirror of others.
You become self catering, seeking new ways that bring pleasure and stimulation to the mind and body. Sitting at home alone, watching soapy movies and up to your pleasure devices is actually something you look forward to. Your attitude towards casual sex tenders to border on scandalous boldness and the ability to flirt with the object of your desire at the slightest provocation is viewed as the mark of self-confidence.
You pick on men who, only five years ago you had considered out of your league with amazing confidence and realize that men only take issue with your potbelly if you do.
You awaken to the empowering revelation that sex and love are not synonymous and why men insist on having one without the other. It is a scary time for the woman but the feelings of guilty are quickly cast aside.
Condoms in handbags become regular features packed alongside the lip balm. You actually begin to demand physical satisfaction and become rather edgy when it is not dispensed regularly. You will notice that your skin will glow for days after an encounter and all your friends will know by one look what you have been up to lately. It no longer bothers you to tell the men folk that you are more interested in the physical and they needn’t bring their hearts along.
You make your peace with your mother and sisters and bond with your girlfriends. You sift through the coterie of acquaintances to discover who the real gems of true girlfriends really are. The circle of friends quickly shrinks to a privileged group. You make time for daily, weekly updates to compare notes on prospects, flirtations or just exchange views on the limitless world of female trivia. You are no longer afraid to be hysterical, outrageous, foolish and drunk in-front of your girlfriends and once in a while in public.
You take mistakes and failures in your stride and engrave the lessons in your heart. You come to the point when trying matters more than getting it right. You are no longer worried about starting a new course, a new job or finding a new man. Shedding bad habits, toxic relationships and disastrous affairs does not seem as impossible as it once did. You have no problem acknowledging how much of an imbecile fool or idiot you have been or are in the present. It is at this point that you stop blaming men for your woes.
You discover that the three vital components of a good man have changed from car, career and wallet to physique, technique and ambition. You can openly discuss male specifications with the confidence of a second hand car salesman. You scrutinize, analyze and measure with clarity using gadgets and body parts that only the female possess. You share your sightings with members of your tight knit community of girlfriends and they are often murmurs of approval when an ideal shag is spotted.
You finally openly acknowledge that staying in does not mean that your life sucks. Sightings of you in the latest club, dressed to thrill are no longer considered a hallmark event and branding of your high status in life. You soon become a dedicated consumer of DVD rentals, glossy magazines and Oprah’s book club.
Weekends spent in dreaded home wear and unkempt hair are no longer considered a taboo as they once were. You are brave enough to go the shops without make up on. You no longer desperately look a your phone praying that it would ring on a quiet Friday night.
Finally the amazing discovery that you will never be young again sets in. You get into the constant habit of describing what a figure you used to have or how men wouldn’t stop drooling at the sight of your legs. Nobody believes you but that doesn’t stop you from constantly pledging year after year to join a gym that will restore you back to the youthful splendour you proudly refer to. You suddenly realize that while women hit their peak in the mid thirties to forty, men are sadly on the decline.
So if you are approaching 30 and still single sit back and relax. Nothing significant is going to happening. Quit whining and get on with your new life status as a wannabe cougar.
Editor Email:enpauperman@gmail.com
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