BY EVANS PAUPERMAN NYANG'WECHI
One would think this was basic information that every wife who actually loves her husband understands. Unfortunately ignorance is a bit more commonplace. For starters, before marriage when a woman holds out on a man, keeping him waiting on the promise of sex after nuptials at the very least make it worth his while. Give him a reason to come home at least from Monday through to Thursday before the evening news. Most men want to continue adoring their brides.
I see men filling the bars on Monday nights and I empathize with the brothers. They are normally hardworking men who succumbed to the promise only to end up with rationed conjugal rights from the woman who is the love of their life. Most have nothing to look forward to. Hardly two years into marriage and the man is bored flaccid. Some bury themselves in work and end up making a lot more money, which tends to create a new set of complications.
The more money a man makes the more attractive he becomes or half of those paunchy geeky types enjoying extended midlife without any crisis would not stand a chance. Venture into any up-market nightclub in Nairobi city and you are guaranteed to spot a few holding court with stunning company. These young naive girls will dismiss you simply because you order wine by the glass and not by the bottle. Usually, the outspoken connoisseur still lives with her parents. The kids know the game and play it with juvenile ease. Basic rules are: the bigger the car, the sexier the man. I do not even know why guys bother going to the gym. Women do not expect men to be shapely or attractive. Do not be confused by the movies and existing propaganda. A woman may want a Romeo along with her as a boyfriend just to make her girlfriends envious but when it comes to marriage or survival all they require is a spine and some money.
Many future husbands will try hard to meet this central requirement. One would then expect some measure of sustained acknowledgement at home from the first lady considering the sanctions imposed on a man’s right to free association. I say this since men are reduced to expecting women to take the lead in sex after marriage. Before the compromised walk down the aisle, most blokes strive to live up to the mythology of the stud even as we concede that many, fall way below par. Nevertheless after the vows, they look forward to some excitement given the legality of the new arrangement. They imagine that passion would alleviate the monotony of a mundane existence. But instead of walking home to open arms and a warmer bed, all they get is attitude. Most women refuse to engage in anything more than just lying there. What is a man to do? The same routine over and over again! Perhaps it has not occurred to some wives that a husband’s most basic needs are sex and food. A girlfriend and mother all wrapped up in one. Even pastors should be forgiven for looking towards the choir for relief. Many will find mothers in marriage but for excitement they forage elsewhere. Naturally you pay through your nose for something you should get free at home but sometimes you reckon, “It is worth the hassle”. Much like patiently waiting in line for a parking spot at your favorite pub.
Polygamy is no longer an economically viable escape so many men opt for one-night stunts with willing lasses who accord them much-needed acknowledgement. It is regrettable that the reasons put across for lack of active participation in these matters by guilty wives are rooted in ignorance. In the year 2010, a time when my grandma in shags gets to send me text messages, they are wives who still will not touch their legally married partners in passion. These are activities at the heart of male intimacy. Have you noticed that women who take great pleasure in receiving never take the lead in giving? If that is not plain old selfish, then I do not know what it is? He is your husband sanctioned by law? It therefore is not against any law to give him a little extra treatment. Men expect women to be wild in bed. Meanwhile wives still want to be proper, worrying about their hair and the neighbors. Ask for a little more enthusiasm and the request is squashed without further consideration. Boredom sets in and the mistress option pops up
EMAIL:enpauperman@gmail.com
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