Friday, April 29, 2011
Welcome to Evans pauperman Nyang'wechi man-talk ( page Turner): HIS ROYAL HIGHNESS THE PRINCE OF WALES IS WEARING ...
Welcome to Evans pauperman Nyang'wechi man-talk ( page Turner): HIS ROYAL HIGHNESS THE PRINCE OF WALES IS WEARING ...: " BY EVANS PAUPERMAN NYANG'WECHI One would think this was basic information that every wife who actually loves her husband understands...."
HIS ROYAL HIGHNESS THE PRINCE OF WALES IS WEARING THE ROYAL NAVY NUMBER ONE DRESS (CEREMONIAL) TO THE WEDDING OF PRINCE WILLIAM AND MISS CATHERINE MIDDLETON
BY EVANS PAUPERMAN NYANG'WECHI
One would think this was basic information that every wife who actually loves her husband understands. Unfortunately ignorance is a bit more commonplace. For starters, before marriage when a woman holds out on a man, keeping him waiting on the promise of sex after nuptials at the very least make it worth his while. Give him a reason to come home at least from Monday through to Thursday before the evening news. Most men want to continue adoring their brides.
I see men filling the bars on Monday nights and I empathize with the brothers. They are normally hardworking men who succumbed to the promise only to end up with rationed conjugal rights from the woman who is the love of their life. Most have nothing to look forward to. Hardly two years into marriage and the man is bored flaccid. Some bury themselves in work and end up making a lot more money, which tends to create a new set of complications.
The more money a man makes the more attractive he becomes or half of those paunchy geeky types enjoying extended midlife without any crisis would not stand a chance. Venture into any up-market nightclub in Nairobi city and you are guaranteed to spot a few holding court with stunning company. These young naive girls will dismiss you simply because you order wine by the glass and not by the bottle. Usually, the outspoken connoisseur still lives with her parents. The kids know the game and play it with juvenile ease. Basic rules are: the bigger the car, the sexier the man. I do not even know why guys bother going to the gym. Women do not expect men to be shapely or attractive. Do not be confused by the movies and existing propaganda. A woman may want a Romeo along with her as a boyfriend just to make her girlfriends envious but when it comes to marriage or survival all they require is a spine and some money.
Many future husbands will try hard to meet this central requirement. One would then expect some measure of sustained acknowledgement at home from the first lady considering the sanctions imposed on a man’s right to free association. I say this since men are reduced to expecting women to take the lead in sex after marriage. Before the compromised walk down the aisle, most blokes strive to live up to the mythology of the stud even as we concede that many, fall way below par. Nevertheless after the vows, they look forward to some excitement given the legality of the new arrangement. They imagine that passion would alleviate the monotony of a mundane existence. But instead of walking home to open arms and a warmer bed, all they get is attitude. Most women refuse to engage in anything more than just lying there. What is a man to do? The same routine over and over again! Perhaps it has not occurred to some wives that a husband’s most basic needs are sex and food. A girlfriend and mother all wrapped up in one. Even pastors should be forgiven for looking towards the choir for relief. Many will find mothers in marriage but for excitement they forage elsewhere. Naturally you pay through your nose for something you should get free at home but sometimes you reckon, “It is worth the hassle”. Much like patiently waiting in line for a parking spot at your favorite pub.
Polygamy is no longer an economically viable escape so many men opt for one-night stunts with willing lasses who accord them much-needed acknowledgement. It is regrettable that the reasons put across for lack of active participation in these matters by guilty wives are rooted in ignorance. In the year 2010, a time when my grandma in shags gets to send me text messages, they are wives who still will not touch their legally married partners in passion. These are activities at the heart of male intimacy. Have you noticed that women who take great pleasure in receiving never take the lead in giving? If that is not plain old selfish, then I do not know what it is? He is your husband sanctioned by law? It therefore is not against any law to give him a little extra treatment. Men expect women to be wild in bed. Meanwhile wives still want to be proper, worrying about their hair and the neighbors. Ask for a little more enthusiasm and the request is squashed without further consideration. Boredom sets in and the mistress option pops up
EMAIL:enpauperman@gmail.com
Wednesday, April 6, 2011
.......................OF SEX AND INFLUENCE!!!
Oxford dictionary defines the term, an “influential figure” as, “Somebody or something that affects the way a person behaves or thinks”. So when I ask, “ Class! Can you give me an example of an influential figure”, you will probably go down wide road and bring back Nelson Mandela, Mother Theresa and expectedly, Oprah. Hardly, the correct answer. Allow me to elaborate. Have you ever met a woman so stunningly beautiful that you walk into a room with her and everyone starts wondering what she saw in you? Now that is an influential figure. A figure so aesthetically pleasing painters scramble to do the nude. The female body is art form and men are exceedingly visual. The woman who understands this acquires the leverage of sexual influence. Honestly, the male form pales in comparison, unless you are talking about the nudes captured Angela Fisher book, Africa Adorned. Here is an illustration.
People who walk around naked (not nudists) are called wenda wazimu (mad people) in this country. The nude crazy male is normally tolerated and save for a few women peering for size comparison, they are a mild amusement at best. Now, the naked female loony generates a totally different reaction. I once saw a nude woman in the city. She was very docile, almost meek but presence caused a genuine public disturbance. Take my word for it; she had a seriously well toned body, a lot better than most women I know. I suppose a lean diet and lots of walking does bring results.
Thanks to fashion, a woman can gain influence over most men without uttering a single word. The female body is a web of sexual signals. Front, back or sideways, it always evokes favorable response. Men wear clothes to conceal devices and for comfort. Women however, use them mostly for display and those with assets rule.
When the shapely woman moves, her hourglass figure gives her graceful gait or so it appears. Therefore any woman who is above average beauty either in face or form can have overwhelming sexual influence over men in the workplace. It actually has a wider biblical context. Adam was under the influence of Eve’s figuratively speaking, when he bit into that apple. Sexual influence in the workplace is real; and beginning to take precedence of over competence. What do you expect when you put men in charge? Two women of equal academic qualification are called for an interview. The panel as usual will be predominantly male. No prizes for guessing who they would hire between Miss Long legs and chubby cheeks?
Fat on men is suitably deposited in the front. In women it tends to go around to the back. Nonetheless a woman protruding both ways has little hope at a sexual display and subsequently influence quickly diminishes.
That’s why I hasten to advise aspiring corporate women to work out in the gym more often, drink less and eat more fruit. The corporate arena is still a man’s world and body image counts. Frontal assets can be enhanced by lower cleavage while shapely rears should be draped in revealing fabric or constricting outfits. Keen anthropologists tell us that the female body parts are visual elements that arouse lingering interest from the male onlooker. Women feed off such attention.
When a woman combines sexual influence and brains she becomes what most married men consider an investment. Women still refuse to take advantage of this option opting instead to engage us in pointless debates on gender equality.
The female body is a deep well of gender signals. The omissions of nature can be corrected by extra support and padding. Cosmetics are of great value. Make up has a function; to make one look younger, prettier and to get men all fidgety. Unfortunately, it does not miraculously eliminate perceived physical flaws.
But in a mad rush to join the privileged diva class, many women continue to haplessly break the etiquette barrier. Desmond Morris author of The Naked Ape, a non fictional anthropological classic, calls it overexposure. It is a signal which although not unusual in itself, gains attention because it is performed in a slightly more public context than expected. Some of the cleavage displays on the market are startling and if we have to see those thighs, at least, guarantee the audience a smoother experience. Excessive body hair on women is simply a hairy encounter. Admittedly, there is a blurry line between ignorant and tasteful exposure. Beauty still rests in the eye of the beholder.
I suppose such is life. The rules are never impartial. Only the fair and influential damsels qualify for the lead part in the fairy tale
People who walk around naked (not nudists) are called wenda wazimu (mad people) in this country. The nude crazy male is normally tolerated and save for a few women peering for size comparison, they are a mild amusement at best. Now, the naked female loony generates a totally different reaction. I once saw a nude woman in the city. She was very docile, almost meek but presence caused a genuine public disturbance. Take my word for it; she had a seriously well toned body, a lot better than most women I know. I suppose a lean diet and lots of walking does bring results.
Thanks to fashion, a woman can gain influence over most men without uttering a single word. The female body is a web of sexual signals. Front, back or sideways, it always evokes favorable response. Men wear clothes to conceal devices and for comfort. Women however, use them mostly for display and those with assets rule.
When the shapely woman moves, her hourglass figure gives her graceful gait or so it appears. Therefore any woman who is above average beauty either in face or form can have overwhelming sexual influence over men in the workplace. It actually has a wider biblical context. Adam was under the influence of Eve’s figuratively speaking, when he bit into that apple. Sexual influence in the workplace is real; and beginning to take precedence of over competence. What do you expect when you put men in charge? Two women of equal academic qualification are called for an interview. The panel as usual will be predominantly male. No prizes for guessing who they would hire between Miss Long legs and chubby cheeks?
Fat on men is suitably deposited in the front. In women it tends to go around to the back. Nonetheless a woman protruding both ways has little hope at a sexual display and subsequently influence quickly diminishes.
That’s why I hasten to advise aspiring corporate women to work out in the gym more often, drink less and eat more fruit. The corporate arena is still a man’s world and body image counts. Frontal assets can be enhanced by lower cleavage while shapely rears should be draped in revealing fabric or constricting outfits. Keen anthropologists tell us that the female body parts are visual elements that arouse lingering interest from the male onlooker. Women feed off such attention.
When a woman combines sexual influence and brains she becomes what most married men consider an investment. Women still refuse to take advantage of this option opting instead to engage us in pointless debates on gender equality.
The female body is a deep well of gender signals. The omissions of nature can be corrected by extra support and padding. Cosmetics are of great value. Make up has a function; to make one look younger, prettier and to get men all fidgety. Unfortunately, it does not miraculously eliminate perceived physical flaws.
But in a mad rush to join the privileged diva class, many women continue to haplessly break the etiquette barrier. Desmond Morris author of The Naked Ape, a non fictional anthropological classic, calls it overexposure. It is a signal which although not unusual in itself, gains attention because it is performed in a slightly more public context than expected. Some of the cleavage displays on the market are startling and if we have to see those thighs, at least, guarantee the audience a smoother experience. Excessive body hair on women is simply a hairy encounter. Admittedly, there is a blurry line between ignorant and tasteful exposure. Beauty still rests in the eye of the beholder.
I suppose such is life. The rules are never impartial. Only the fair and influential damsels qualify for the lead part in the fairy tale
Tuesday, April 5, 2011
The International Criminal Court has set aside an application by the government seeking to have the admissibility of the Ocampo six case heard before the suspects appear in court later this week.
The Judges of Pre-Trial Chamber II say the Rome Statute and the Rules of Procedure and Evidence do not provide for any specific time-limit during which the Judges should make a decision regarding this application, and that the ongoing judicial proceedings will not stop.
A brief statement from the ICC on Monday said the judges were in the process of reviewing the application.
"The Judges of Pre-Trial Chamber II have received the Application on behalf of the Government of the Republic of Kenya pursuant to Article 19 of the ICC Statute and are currently in the process of reviewing the application," the statement on the ICC website said.
It added: "The Rome Statute and the Rules of Procedure and Evidence do not provide for any specific time-limit during which the Judges should make a decision regarding this application, and the ongoing judicial proceedings will not stop."
Attorney General Amos Wako announced last Thursday that the government had hired Counsels, Geoffrey Nice QC and Rodney Dixon, Barrister-at-Law to handle the suit.
"This is to confirm that Counsels, Sir Geoffrey Nice Q.C. and Rodney Dixon, Barrister-at-Law have today, on behalf of the Government of Kenya, filed an application pursuant to Article 19 of the Rome Statute establishing the International Criminal Court (ICC), respectfully requesting the Pre-Trial Chamber to determine that the two cases currently before the ICC are inadmissible before the I.C.C," Wako said at the time.
But even as the government filed the admissibility case, the ICC warned that the suit had little chances of success because Kenya has not established a credible judicial mechanism to try the suspects locally.
The Outreach Unit of the ICC advised last month that such plans could only succeed if the persons accused were facing similar charges at their local national courts at the time of challenging The Hague trials.
Sources privy to the suit filed in The Hague told Capital Newsbeat that the government had argued that the cases against the six individuals are not admissible before the ICC because the country is in the process of reforming its judicial and police systems to be able to try them at home.
Those required to appear at The Hague include Deputy Prime Minister Uhuru Kenyatta, Head of the Civil Service Ambassador Francis Muthaura, suspended Higher Education Minister William Ruto and Tinderet Member of Parliament Henry Kosgey who stepped aside to face charges of abuse of office.
Others are former Police Commissioner Mohammed Hussein Ali and Radio presenter Joshua arap Sang of Kass FM.
Mr Sang, Mr Ruto and Mr Kosgey are due before the court on April 7 while Mr Kenyatta, Mr Muthaura and Maj Gen (Rtd) Ali will make an appearance on April 8.
Their summonses to appear were issued last month following a majority ruling by the Pre-Trial Chamber judges who established that the six are criminally responsible for organizing or funding the post election violence which broke out in the country soon after the disputed presidential elections in 2008.
A brief statement from the ICC on Monday said the judges were in the process of reviewing the application.
"The Judges of Pre-Trial Chamber II have received the Application on behalf of the Government of the Republic of Kenya pursuant to Article 19 of the ICC Statute and are currently in the process of reviewing the application," the statement on the ICC website said.
It added: "The Rome Statute and the Rules of Procedure and Evidence do not provide for any specific time-limit during which the Judges should make a decision regarding this application, and the ongoing judicial proceedings will not stop."
Attorney General Amos Wako announced last Thursday that the government had hired Counsels, Geoffrey Nice QC and Rodney Dixon, Barrister-at-Law to handle the suit.
"This is to confirm that Counsels, Sir Geoffrey Nice Q.C. and Rodney Dixon, Barrister-at-Law have today, on behalf of the Government of Kenya, filed an application pursuant to Article 19 of the Rome Statute establishing the International Criminal Court (ICC), respectfully requesting the Pre-Trial Chamber to determine that the two cases currently before the ICC are inadmissible before the I.C.C," Wako said at the time.
But even as the government filed the admissibility case, the ICC warned that the suit had little chances of success because Kenya has not established a credible judicial mechanism to try the suspects locally.
The Outreach Unit of the ICC advised last month that such plans could only succeed if the persons accused were facing similar charges at their local national courts at the time of challenging The Hague trials.
Sources privy to the suit filed in The Hague told Capital Newsbeat that the government had argued that the cases against the six individuals are not admissible before the ICC because the country is in the process of reforming its judicial and police systems to be able to try them at home.
Those required to appear at The Hague include Deputy Prime Minister Uhuru Kenyatta, Head of the Civil Service Ambassador Francis Muthaura, suspended Higher Education Minister William Ruto and Tinderet Member of Parliament Henry Kosgey who stepped aside to face charges of abuse of office.
Others are former Police Commissioner Mohammed Hussein Ali and Radio presenter Joshua arap Sang of Kass FM.
Mr Sang, Mr Ruto and Mr Kosgey are due before the court on April 7 while Mr Kenyatta, Mr Muthaura and Maj Gen (Rtd) Ali will make an appearance on April 8.
Their summonses to appear were issued last month following a majority ruling by the Pre-Trial Chamber judges who established that the six are criminally responsible for organizing or funding the post election violence which broke out in the country soon after the disputed presidential elections in 2008.
Monday, November 15, 2010
MARRIED BUT AVAILABLE
This story can go on and on as Jeff muya can put it.... So let me commence by saying that I got the headline from a sentiment given out by a listener on metro fm lovers rock show and it got me thinking. Saying “married but available” is almost as easy as saying “niaje” (what’s up). How did it get to be this way? What happened to the days when being married meant your private parts and your heart were locked up and only your spouse had the key?
A long time ago, marriage was a license for a lifetime of loving company and a sure ticket to the mystery that was sex. In those days, procreation was inevitable; like part of the process.
Marriage was also used to cement relations between kingdoms and to possibly restore peace between or strengthen communities. Whatever the reason, you were still under lock and key.
At some point after that, it was all about age. You had to get married by the time you were 25. If you don’t have Mr Right or Miss Right by that time, it was very important to take up the next best option or you would die old and alone.
Some centuries down the line however, marriage has undergone a metamorphosis, and the revolution continues. The lock and key have gone digital and you can hack into it or simply ask for the password.Sex and procreation are no longer an issue, it is now more important to have fun.
Whether you are in a night-club or in church, a ring on the finger only serves to get you more attention. It’s like you are an alien species who is immediately more appealing to all the single ladies. And they all know that the married people are more often than not … available. I think the problem is two-fold. There is a willing buyer and willing seller.
People whose names are written on a marriage certificate are perceived to be more stable, and less complicated relationship wise.
They (married ones) on the other, feel emotional reprieve outside their gates because the situations at home are almost like Big Brother, where the only interesting thing is shower hour. And even if things are not so bad at home and they may want to do the right thing – there are relentless predators on the prowl. I wonder if the whole constitution of marriage is becoming obsolete.?
Email:enyangwechi@yahoo.com
Marriage was also used to cement relations between kingdoms and to possibly restore peace between or strengthen communities. Whatever the reason, you were still under lock and key.
At some point after that, it was all about age. You had to get married by the time you were 25. If you don’t have Mr Right or Miss Right by that time, it was very important to take up the next best option or you would die old and alone.
Some centuries down the line however, marriage has undergone a metamorphosis, and the revolution continues. The lock and key have gone digital and you can hack into it or simply ask for the password.Sex and procreation are no longer an issue, it is now more important to have fun.
Whether you are in a night-club or in church, a ring on the finger only serves to get you more attention. It’s like you are an alien species who is immediately more appealing to all the single ladies. And they all know that the married people are more often than not … available. I think the problem is two-fold. There is a willing buyer and willing seller.
People whose names are written on a marriage certificate are perceived to be more stable, and less complicated relationship wise.
They (married ones) on the other, feel emotional reprieve outside their gates because the situations at home are almost like Big Brother, where the only interesting thing is shower hour. And even if things are not so bad at home and they may want to do the right thing – there are relentless predators on the prowl. I wonder if the whole constitution of marriage is becoming obsolete.?
Email:enyangwechi@yahoo.com
Tuesday, November 9, 2010
WOMEN AT 30........PONDEROUS AGE TO BE DISCLOSED
For a long time single women were almost abominable. All that was reserved for them was pity or suspicion. That has changed now but many women over 30 are still accused of prolonging single hood days by pesky aunties and busybodies who imagine they are commitment-phobic or simply unable to nail a man.
Picture this. A group of six single women of varying length and girth are knocking back shots of vodka like they are going out of style. Luther Vandross is playing in the background and the girls’ only event is in honour of one the girls’ who has turned thirty. The house is the typical kitsch decor up-market apartment. Fake flowers in a vase and enough cushions to fill a meditation hall. It is much like a low budget version drawn from Sarah Jessica Parker’s Sex and the City. Imbued with feelings of wellbeing and of course alcoholic enhanced wisdom, they decide to share their lessons and insights about womanhood after thirty. I am the fly on the wall. Some observations border on ridiculous and absurd. Others are meaningful while a huge chunk of the conversation seems to revolve around lack of sex.
The innocent Kenyan woman approaches relationships with a lot of optimism. Between 18 and 24 they actually believe, that there is such a thing as the perfect man. You know the tall dark knight, impeccable manners, romantic lover who dispenses love with reckless abandon. Between 24-28 after often scathing encounters with men, many lower their standards somewhat to accommodate the overweight knight and rush to the conclusion that perhaps there is a chronic shortage of seriously eligible bachelors in the country. Into the 30s, the illusion is completely dropped and the whole approach towards men takes a new spin towards compatibility. To be a single over 30 woman in Nairobi and lead a normal social life of single hood simply makes you a trophy hunt for older married men prowling outdoors for conquests. They won’t allow you to float in a state of emotional tranquility and delicious self-indulgence as they attempt to fit you into their perfect side dish.
Womanhood after 30 means that…..
You realize that age is not just a number as you come to accept your sags, stretch marks, bumps, extra layers of your once youthful body. You have to contend with the increasingly stiff competition from younger girls who call you old and welcome advances from horny teenagers who think “you are so hot”. You stop hankering for a soul mate or stop waiting up for the dark knight on a horseback. Something about men and directions.
The fantasies of having the perfect body are abandoned and replaced by the reality of a swanky wardrobe to sustain the illusion as a top priority. After 30, a woman can live with tires because you realize that bald short, beer gut men have been pulling it off for years with great results.
You come to the awakening realization that you do not have to like everybody and everybody does not have to like you. Matters of being in the in-crowd somehow diminish as you try to compass your direction in life. It no longer causes you sleepless nights when you are described as bitchy, bossy, dramatic, shapeless or a nymphomaniac. For once in your life, you are not scared of seeing yourself through your own eyes and not through the mirror of others.
You become self catering, seeking new ways that bring pleasure and stimulation to the mind and body. Sitting at home alone, watching soapy movies and up to your pleasure devices is actually something you look forward to. Your attitude towards casual sex tenders to border on scandalous boldness and the ability to flirt with the object of your desire at the slightest provocation is viewed as the mark of self-confidence.
You pick on men who, only five years ago you had considered out of your league with amazing confidence and realize that men only take issue with your potbelly if you do.
You awaken to the empowering revelation that sex and love are not synonymous and why men insist on having one without the other. It is a scary time for the woman but the feelings of guilty are quickly cast aside.
Condoms in handbags become regular features packed alongside the lip balm. You actually begin to demand physical satisfaction and become rather edgy when it is not dispensed regularly. You will notice that your skin will glow for days after an encounter and all your friends will know by one look what you have been up to lately. It no longer bothers you to tell the men folk that you are more interested in the physical and they needn’t bring their hearts along.
You make your peace with your mother and sisters and bond with your girlfriends. You sift through the coterie of acquaintances to discover who the real gems of true girlfriends really are. The circle of friends quickly shrinks to a privileged group. You make time for daily, weekly updates to compare notes on prospects, flirtations or just exchange views on the limitless world of female trivia. You are no longer afraid to be hysterical, outrageous, foolish and drunk in-front of your girlfriends and once in a while in public.
You take mistakes and failures in your stride and engrave the lessons in your heart. You come to the point when trying matters more than getting it right. You are no longer worried about starting a new course, a new job or finding a new man. Shedding bad habits, toxic relationships and disastrous affairs does not seem as impossible as it once did. You have no problem acknowledging how much of an imbecile fool or idiot you have been or are in the present. It is at this point that you stop blaming men for your woes.
You discover that the three vital components of a good man have changed from car, career and wallet to physique, technique and ambition. You can openly discuss male specifications with the confidence of a second hand car salesman. You scrutinize, analyze and measure with clarity using gadgets and body parts that only the female possess. You share your sightings with members of your tight knit community of girlfriends and they are often murmurs of approval when an ideal shag is spotted.
You finally openly acknowledge that staying in does not mean that your life sucks. Sightings of you in the latest club, dressed to thrill are no longer considered a hallmark event and branding of your high status in life. You soon become a dedicated consumer of DVD rentals, glossy magazines and Oprah’s book club.
Weekends spent in dreaded home wear and unkempt hair are no longer considered a taboo as they once were. You are brave enough to go the shops without make up on. You no longer desperately look a your phone praying that it would ring on a quiet Friday night.
Finally the amazing discovery that you will never be young again sets in. You get into the constant habit of describing what a figure you used to have or how men wouldn’t stop drooling at the sight of your legs. Nobody believes you but that doesn’t stop you from constantly pledging year after year to join a gym that will restore you back to the youthful splendour you proudly refer to. You suddenly realize that while women hit their peak in the mid thirties to forty, men are sadly on the decline.
So if you are approaching 30 and still single sit back and relax. Nothing significant is going to happening. Quit whining and get on with your new life status as a wannabe cougar.
Editor Email:enpauperman@gmail.com
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